Once upon a time there was this girl. She had an attitude. And a spirit nobody could tame. She was tough and attacked each new day without fear. She went by my name and spoke with a voice only I could hear. She lived in my mind. But now...she's coming out.
Archives:
29.5.02 ( 11:31 PM ) Val A Comment From Shannon (from Intermission) "i'm eating gummi worms and they have faces. it makes me feel sorry for them when I bite their heads off."--i don't think i've ever felt sympathy for the gummi worms, even the ones with faces...now those smiling goldfish on the other hand...*wink*
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( 6:06 PM ) Val It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring....! Wait. Is there more of that? Because I don't know the rest. Hmm. *thinking hard* Someone want to help me out?
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26.5.02 ( 10:07 PM ) Val I'm Next... I caught the bouquet at Freddy and Adesuwa's wedding...so, supposedly, I'm gonna get married next...right...that's funny. ;-)
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22.5.02 ( 9:03 AM ) Val Tired. It's not just physically either. I am [mentally...emotionally...spiritually] completely exhausted.
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19.5.02 ( 7:29 AM ) Val Keeping My New Year's Resolution. (I resolved to blog 2x per week in case you didn't know) My friend, Mo, is in town for this weekend and next before she goes to New Hampshire for her summer fellowship, so I'm spending time with her. I'm also sleeping a lot since I have the start of a cold. I think I actually have something blog-able to post, so...maybe later?
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13.5.02 ( 10:16 PM ) Val What Makes Me (Part 2)? (Since Part 1 ended up being three things (chocolate, dancing, love), I'm going to continue that trend) Romance: At heart, I am a romantic. I love sweet, unexpected surprises-fresh flowers, dancing in the rain, a note hidden in my bag, mix tapes ;-) (does anybody else remember that episode of friends? "more than a mix tape, less than a key to my apartment") Optimism: I persist in believing the best of people and of situations. That makes me an optimist (or naive, as some people would say). Energy: I like being in the middle of things. I love big cities. I like being on the go. Celebrating life is my strong point.
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9.5.02 ( 10:30 PM ) Val Song Of The Day Revived. "Bring On The Rain"-JoDee Messina (with Tim McGraw)
Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing-but I'm not dead
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain*
8.5.02 ( 10:25 PM ) Val Good Stuff.::A Perilous Safety:: Yet another right on article from Blogger that speaks directly to my heart. Especially in light of the fact that everything around me is changing and I am mostly definitely in the place that is like "Linus when his blanket is in the dryer"...
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( 6:28 PM ) Val The Silent Treatment. That's what I'm getting from my step-father. So, that's what "come home. i miss you. we can work this out." looks like in practice. Joy. Why did I come home again?
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( 9:07 AM ) Val So, There's This Boy. Christian...really nice...funny...gorgeous...And I cannot get him out of my head. Not good.
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7.5.02 ( 9:25 AM ) Val Feeling Slightly Better. My renewed emotional state has more to do with the love of friends and worship on Sunday that focused on the love of God ( a concept that I really needed to hear on Sunday and that's stayed with me the last couple of days). However, I do feel like much more time has passed than 50-odd hours. Another interesting fact: I've had absolutely no trouble getting to sleep on Skip's couch the past two nights, but when I'm at home it normally takes an hour and some kind of relaxation technique because I replay all sorts of worries and bad things in my head...This is short because I have other stuff to do.
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4.5.02 ( 11:29 PM ) Val Worst Day. I got into an absolutely wretched fight with my step-father. It was horrid, still is. I probably freaked PJ out calling him up, crying, asking for Skip's new cell number and then hanging up (sorry, pj). And, of course, we (my step-father and i) had to get into this fight today so it just piled on top of all the other emotional crap that's going on in my life. I don't feel like writing any more. Maybe when I get some perspective I'll be able to blog. But for now, good night...
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2.5.02 ( 9:13 PM ) Val Hi. I've been thinking a lot lately about all sorts of things...*long pause*...I guess the main thing is how much stuff has changed. How much I've changed. I don't really know how to explain it all. However, I can say this: I'm more sure of me than I have been in a long time. I mean I still avoid surprises and emotional confrontations but I'm learning to deal. Maybe that's the big thing that's changed. I've learned to live each day, no matter what happens, and still be me when all is said and done. I haven't dilluted some essential part of myself for others well being and comfort or done something that I am pissed at myself about later. That's a good thing. I'm also more comfortable with myself in both the big and little things. I know what I'm like. If something needs to change, I'm willing to work on it but most of the time I just realize not everyone is going to think the same things I do.
What Makes Me?Chocolate, dark chocolate (it's kind of sad that that's the first thing that leaps to mind). Dancing, not necessarily dancing on a stage or for an audience, just dancing. I celebrate every happy moment and express every sorrow with dance. I normally keep myself in check so it doesn't come out as often as I think about just cutting loose. {"It [dancing] is an art that imprints on the soul. It is with you every moment even after you give it up. It is with you every moment of your day and night. It is an art that expresses itself in how you walk, how you eat, how you make love, and how you do nothing. It is the art of the body and as long as a dancer possesses a body, he or she feels the call of expression in dancer's terms."-Shirley MacLaine, from Dancing In The Light} And dancing with someone...sheer joy. Love, the unconditional kind that I get from my God and some of the people He's placed into my life.
You know what? This is as far as I want to go on that particular topic right now. It's threatening to become really personal and I'm not sure if I want to delve into all that right now. It'll surface some other time though, I guarantee it. However, you all are left with three things that define me: chocolate...dancing...love...
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