Once upon a time there was this girl. She had an attitude. And a spirit nobody could tame. She was tough and attacked each new day without fear. She went by my name and spoke with a voice only I could hear. She lived in my mind. But now...she's coming out.
Archives:
30.4.02 ( 6:32 PM ) Val Latest News. So, I went to MEPS on Sunday and took the ASVAB. And I aced it. :o) A perfect score- 99 out of 99. :o) And then, I went to the hotel, met a bunch of real cool people. We all talked for awhile, we would call people by their branch of service and their first name. Like, I'm "Marine Val" and this cool girl was "Army Jen". It was fun. This really built guy (Navy Troy) was leaving for boot camp on Monday so he was really hyper, not rowdy, just real excited. We had a good time. However, the next morning...yeah that was when the real fun began [for those of you who didn't pick up on the sarcasm, that last comment had sarcasm dripping from it]. A hearing exam, an eye exam, a urine sample, a blood sample, a blood pressure test, a physical (the boys had to bend over and cough, thank goodness the girls had nothing comparable). Lots of waiting and then a brief flurry of activity and then more waiting. It was boring! And then the Chief Medical Officer called me into his office because the doctor "heard" a heart murmur (something that I have never had a history of) which is waiverable with some documents from my regular doctor or a specialist. However, he also told me that although my eyesight is correctable to 20-20, the prescription it takes to get it there (11 and the allowance is +/- 8) is permanently disqualifying. Needless to say, I was pissed. So, I hightailed it over to the USMC liason's office to find out the real deal. He (Sgt Ramirez) said that I could get it waived but the waiver would have to come from either a Congressperson or a Senator. He also said I should have no problem with getting it waived because of my excellent record in every other respect. So, I'm working on it. I really want to be a Marine.
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27.4.02 ( 9:30 PM ) Val Shopping Success. I ended up with a new bathing suit (orange, 2-piece, Nike) for $12, a corset top (super comfy), 3 pairs of cute hipster underwear, 2 pairs of sunglasses (blue and purple lenses), hair gunk (d:fi medium hold hair wax for those who care), a black backpack, a red messenger bag, a new (leather) wallet, and a periwinkle wrap dress. They were all great deals. I'm very excited. :o)
( 8:54 AM ) Val Today. I'm going shopping...I'm going shopping! At the outlet mall, with my Mom (*big grin*) and my Uncle's girlfriend/fiancee, Mary. Then, I have to go to work...but it's a super short shift (three hours) because I'm filling in during the busy time.
Tomorrow. I teach my fourth graders at church. Then, I leave for the Military Entrance Processing Facility (MEPS) in Buffalo. I take my ASVAB and get my physical done (I finally got my belly button ring to come out last night b/c it can't be in during the exam) and take some really easy typping test. So, I'm this much closer to being a Marine. :o)
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22.4.02 ( 9:56 PM ) Val I'm reading an interesting article titledMobile Gossip and I just came across this interesting quote: "Language, and by extension everything else that goes with the super-sized human brain such as art, culture, science, religion, etc. (i.e. civilization as we know it) evolved to enable us to flirt."
I just found that absurdly amusing. But it is an extremely interesting article (I'm not saying that I agree with it just that I find it thought-provoking).
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21.4.02 ( 11:19 PM ) Val So, last night I exercised my right not to post. And I was about to post tonight about all the post-worthy things that have happened but I just felt I should check my checking account on-line (I was feeling industrious figured I'd better make sure my checkbook was balanced). And what do I discover? My account is overdrawn 90-odd dollars!! The result of forgetting about MSN's automatic withdrawal each month from my account and some random charge which I have no idea what it is. *screaming in horror* This is so not good. I'm gonna get chewed out by my Mom (who works at the bank) and it's not my fault this time! So, I'm gonna confront my Mom with the honest truth about forgetting about MSN and the information about the "mystery charge" that sent me over the edge...I'm just hoping that the checks were covered cause that would be the worst thing of all. However, the good point about my Mom working at the bank is that she can get the fee they charge overdrawn accounts reversed (employee perks *smile*) but she'll only do it if she is feeling generous...we'll see...*screaming in frustration*...
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20.4.02 ( 8:57 PM ) Val Hi! I just got home from The Princess Herself's latest shower. It was hosted by her maternal grandmother in a little town about an hour and a half away. It was fun. But I'm glad to be home. Mom's gonna take me to work real quick so I can grab my schedule for the week, I'm planning on posting again when I get home because I have lots (maybe not lots) of stuff to say. However, I reserve the right not to post at all.
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18.4.02 ( 12:20 AM ) Val I'm not trying for deep or profound tonight; I'm just shooting for coherency. But I don't really have anything to say. Really, I don't.
That's wierd.
Okay, here's something: Out of the blue, last week, I started writing again. First time I've felt that compulsion to set something serious down on paper in awhile. I'm not yet sure what it will turn into, but I'm writing again. That's something.
And another thing: Tuesday I turned down someone who wanted me to be involved in some random church dance thing. There's some progress for you.
And my last thing? I rented G.I. Jane, Save The Last Dance, and Training Day tonight...love those movies.
That's it. Three not-too-deep things are my limit tonight. Good Night!
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12.4.02 ( 10:33 PM ) Val I Spend Too Much Time At The Bookstore. This evening, I was in Barnes and Noble while waiting for the bus after work and one of the book clerk guys (Steve) complimented me on my hair-do (as in, he noticed it was different from the way I normally wear it)...
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( 10:01 AM ) Val Due to me reading Courtney's blog before leaving for work this morning, I was reminded to post The Friday Five. I have a couple minutes, so I'm gonna do them real quick.
1. What is your favorite restaurant and why? Po' Folks...this great southern US chain I used to go to when I visited my Dad in Georgia. Great food...and since I'm a southern girl at heart, my favorite place. However, since Dad now lives in Chicago I haven't been there in years (I wonder if they're still around).
2. What fast food restaurant are you partial to? Well, it used to be Wendy's but then they got rid of those pita things they had. So, now it's either Subway or Taco Bell.
3. What are your standards and rules for tipping? At least, double the tax and round up. I also try to tip to-go orders when I'm at a restaurant just because I work at one. If the server is exceptional though, I'll tack extra cash onto it.
4. Do you usually order an appetizer and/or dessert? If I'm at Ruby Tuesday (the restaurant I work at), I'll get the salad bar with my meal. Or I'll get a chocolate tallcake at the end...I alternate, unless I have someone to share dessert with me. If I'm somewhere else (unless its chips and salsa), I don't normally order an appetizer but I will order dessert if I'm fiendin' for chocolate or cheesecake.
5. What do you usually order to drink at a restaurant? Diet coke or rootbeer.
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11.4.02 ( 11:18 PM ) Val So, here I am on the phone talking to the one person who is more able to keep me off balance than anyone else I know. Just when I think I have straightened exactly where I stand with this guy he does something...It's not necessarily a bad thing it just happens...* side note: when i first wrote this I wasn't paying attention and instead of writing "it just happens", I wrote "it just hurts" *...I think of all the people I know I am most scared of him hurting me. Not that he ever has, it's just that he has such enormous potential to and I don't think he even realizes it. Honestly, I don't think he does. Which is why I called Skip to get her to pray for me before I called him back.
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10.4.02 ( 8:44 PM ) Val Recent Realizations. Out of nowhere (it seems), I have been hit by three realizations about me...things that are not worthwhile contributions to me as a whole:
1. I am afraid of getting hurt: It is a perpetual constant consuming fear that lingers somewhere in the back of my head, haunting every word I speak, every action I make. It is the reason why I cannot get to sleep at night, the reason why I stay in my room a lot, the reason why I do as much stuff as I possibly can on my own, and the reason why I don't let people get too close...and why I freak out when I find out they know me better than I ever intended. I don't know where this fear comes from...maybe because I've been promised too many things that never came true. All I know is that it's there and it's not going to go away just because I think it should.
2. I don't like being surprised: People coming up behind me in order to scare me, people asking questions that require personal revelations in very public places, people requiring me to do something on short notice...all on my list of things I don't like. Note to anyone reading this: announce yourself in some way before coming up behind me and physically touching me in any way...it is a very scary thing for me not to know who is behind me and then to have them touch me. very scary. I actually know why that is...I don't want to discuss it, but I do know why. Another note: The "unexpected gift at an unexpected time" advice from Finding Forrester does not fall into the category of things I don't like.
3. I avoid confrontation: If it is about an intellectual question, there is nothing I like better than a good debate. However, emotional issues or things that concern me, I will not discuss if I think there is anything less than an absolute certainty that the person won't fight with me about it. The only way it gets discussed is if I get backed in a corner...then I react like a cornered animal...I'm completely unpredictable...not a good thing.
All this leads me to the conclusion that I often submerge my feelings, opinions and ideas for the sake of not being hurt, surprised and avoiding confrontations which leads me to wonder: who really knows me? I edit myself a lot. I don't change myself according to the people I'm with, however I do present the facets of myself with which I believe those people will be most comfortable. This behavior, however, is self-destructive and proves itself as such at times like this, when much of my waking thoughts are characterized by paranoid illusions that nobody really knows/likes/loves me because I am fairly good at adapting myself to their expectations of who I should be.
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9.4.02 ( 8:11 AM ) Val Excerpts. Found lyrics to "Hold Me Dearly" by Michael Roe. I went to this site off a link from Relevant (I love that site). And one part of the song says:
let me walk and stand and talk with the mind of one given over
only to the things that i know you hold dear
let me soften my heart, let me harden my footsteps
as i press toward the mark of your safe place without any fear
...let me soften my heart, let me harden my footsteps...
amen
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6.4.02 ( 9:43 AM ) Val The Friday Five. I know it's Saturday but Albert stole my computer tower yesterday and I figured...better late than never, right? Especially because last week I forgot to post them at all...well, maybe "forgot" isn't the correct word...it was more of a deliberate decision not to...but I'm doing it this week and that''s what matters...anyways, on with the questions:
1. What are the first things you do in the morning to start your day? Put in my contacts (since I haven't bought new glasses yet, my day begins and ends with them), spend time with God and reading my Bible (although if I'm running really late, I do it on the bus on the way to work), check my e-mail, take a shower, find fruit in the kitchen to eat.
2. What are the last things you do at night before going to bed? Check my e-mail, make sure my alarm clock is set for work the next day, get a glass of water, listen to a little bit of music, take out my contacts.
3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Running, push-ups, crunches...they fell by the wayside for a bit but I come back to them...first, because physical exercise makes me feel good (maybe that's part of the reason why I've been so funky lately?) and, second, because I'm joining the Marine Corps and passing out in the middle of a run would not be a good thing.
4. What routine do you wish to get rid of? Lying in bed for another two hours after I wake up and then having to rush to get ready in less than 45 minutes would definitely be at the top of the list for destructive routines.
5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? #1 thing would definitely be my Bible time...#2 would be no physical exercise...
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3.4.02 ( 11:36 PM ) Val I'm in an ultra-funk...And I cannot put my finger on exactly why. I think it's all the little things that are wierd in my life right now...and the fact that I really don't want to be here in Rochester right now. I think the whole not wanting to be in Rochester thing though has to do with not wanting to deal with certain people and various issues they'll bring up...I've recently realized that I will go to any lengths to avoid a conversation I'm afraid of having...I should probably work on that.
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2.4.02 ( 1:24 PM ) Val You know how if it's really foggy, you can't figure out where you are or where you're going (even if you are in an area that is incredibly familiar to you) and you feel all alone (even if people are only a step away)? That's how I feel right now...like I'm trapped in a really foggy day...
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