Once upon a time there was this girl. She had an attitude. And a spirit nobody could tame. She was tough and attacked each new day without fear. She went by my name and spoke with a voice only I could hear. She lived in my mind. But now...she's coming out.
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22.12.01 ( 2:42 PM ) Val I haven't blogged in ages...I haven't even thought about blogging, and then today I was checking out another blog, realized I haven't blogged in ages and actually started to feel guilty about it...*sigh*
I've been going through this whole inner turmoil about a major decision concerning my life's direction that I have to make. I've been well past the point where I should have made it for a couple of months now and the strain has been fraying my nerves. I've been casting it up to God in prayer at every opportunity and I think He gave me an answer. Good thing cause now I'm not stressed about it, Bad thing because now I have to deal with telling everyone else about the decision I think I'm gonna make. And that makes me really anxious, so I'm trying to make sure that I'm sure that it was God telling me to do this. Because if it wasn't everyone is going to be pissed/confused/full of questions about the decision I've made. On the other hand, if it was God, a lot of people are going to be pissed/confused/full of questions but I'll know it was God...(don't you love my soul-baring confession that gives no details whatsoever)
So, I'm generally dissatisfied with the state of every aspect of my life and desperately trying to get to the place where I'm supposed to be. And I have a random pimple on my elbow.
There you have it: I'm in one of those indefinite seasons of waiting on God, my period's over a week late (probably cause I'm stressed), and I have a pimple (that hurts) on my elbow. My life in summary.
Oh, I also bought "Mountain High, Valley Low" CD by Yolanda Adams. And Track 7 "Open My Heart" is my life right now:
Alone in a room/just me and you/I feel so lost/'cause I don't know what to do/now what if I choose/the wrong thing to do/I'm so afraid/afraid of disappointing you//
(Chorus:) So I need to talk to you and/ask you for your guidance/especially today/when my life seems so cloudy/guide me until I'm sure/I open up my heart//
My hopes and dreams/are fading fast/I'm all burned out/I don't think my strength's gonna last/so I'm crying out/crying out to you/Lord, I know that you're the only one/who is able to pull me through//
(Chorus)
So show me how/to do things your way/don't let me make the same mistakes/over and over again/Your will be done/and I'll be the one/to make sure that it's carried out/and in me, I don't want any doubt/that's why//
(Chorus)
All I need to do is hear a single word from you/I open up my heart/just one word could make/a difference in what I do Lord/I open my heart/will you say just one word/I open my heart to you/You're the lover of my soul/captain of my sea/I need a word from you/that's why I open up my heart *
11.12.01 ( 8:48 PM ) Val So, I guess I had a dream or something because I really believed that I had updated my blog this past weekend...poor, delusional me...
I went Christmas shopping with a couple of friends. We also went to Don Pablo's (loved the food, hated the service...I'm sure my comments were irking my friends).
4.12.01 ( 11:07 PM ) Val I just re-read my last blog entry and then I announced to my mom (who was in the living room): "I'm wierd!" Her response? "But I love you anyway..." So comforting.
I'm in the midst of a dilemma...I have to make a decision that will most definitely change my life. And I'm not being melodramatic either. I've been praying about it but I have to confess that I haven't been spending nearly as much time with God as I need to...yet another thing in my life that needs to change. This is definitely a season of self-examination and change...
...just when I thought I had everything figured out! Guess I'm relearning the lesson that I can not try to run ahead of God.
*
